“Don’t be boring” out of the mouth of babes!

The combination of the post office shortening their delivery week, the evolution of email and texts being utilized to cover every communication, my mailboxes have overflowed with comments.

The conversation below was between my sister-in-law and her five-year-old son.  Aidan is wise beyond his years. 

Aidan

"What do people do with cards they get in the mail? Do they throw them out?"

Aidan’s Mother 

"Sometimes, or they save them in a special box or make decorations out of them."

Aidan

"Why don't we get more cards for birthday and special days?"

Aidan’s Mother 

"We need to send more cards out so people think of us. And sometimes people send e-mail cards or call."

Aidan 

"E-mail cards are boring."

And as they say “out of the mouths of babes.”

There is a segment of the population that purposefully, on principle, deletes e-cards without reading them.  A friend who falls into this category found that she had obliterated one that contained a $50.00 e-gift card. Whoops!  Now she opens them before hitting delete.

Feedback on this issue comes down to the following; the communication being sent to the recipient in an e-card is that the recipient isn’t important enough to be sent a card or note. 

And there in lies the rub, the friction and the pain of the e-card is the unintended message - “I am just too busy for anything personal or you aren’t worth the effort.” In fact those that I polled told me that they would rather receive a late card or note that had a personal missive. Remember the adage, “perception is reality?” especially when the receiver wants real words, sent in envelope with a stamp.

There are exceptions.  Some folks have a writing phobia and others cannot leave the house easily, others live in different countries and care enough to stay in touch. In my humble opinion those are the only individuals that warrant a get out of jail card. 

The rest of you stop making us excuses and send a card or letter. As Aidan says…”don’t be boring.”

You aren’t invited…. we just aren’t that into you!

As weddings start to approximate movie-making levels save the date e-vites are now essential.  Wedding logistics involve locations all over the world and with everyone’s busy schedules  - calendars can be marked, plans made - happily or sullenly.

A new wrinkle in electronic invitations has been added, the follow-up un-invite invitation take back.  Whatever the reason, poor planning, family fights, finances, you have been informed that you didn’t make the cut and we aren’t that into you. The grousing and complaining about buying a gift/plane ticket/finding a date/buying an outfit is a sudden and distant memory, replaced by indignation and hurt.

The second new wave in bizarre cosmic wedding etiquette involves sending an email heralding your upcoming nuptials to family and friends.  The variation on the save the date invite, the “dis-invite” is to let recipients know they won’t be attending the wedding.  Designed to make the recipient retain their self-esteem - the couple cared enough to inform you that you didn’t make the final cut.  Are you feeling the love yet?

We all get that wedding planning can wear feeble nerves to their edges, create hurt feelings and perhaps incite family feuds.  Keeping a wedding manageable means not everyone can be invited. Balancing the guest lists between parents, in-laws and the bridal party is a scary walk on a cliff edge with a 100-foot drop.

Sending an E communication to rescind your invitation or communicating we like you, but there’s no room at the table, is just rude.  Here is the rub - hope abounds that regardless of your physical presence - a real present still might arrive.

Hurt feelings can be avoided or assuaged by having…wait for it…a real conversation. I know as I propose this radical idea there will be a huge shaking of heads. Think through the guest list and stop seeing the wedding as a coronation or fashion week.

Are you that important?

Where are the adults in the room?  Where are the voices of reason?  That’s right some had their invitations revoked and the other grownups just checked their email to discover they weren’t invited. “We just aren’t that into you, but hey, we promise to like your presents.”

Curating the past

My last blog focused on moving, editing, and the ability to detach from possessions. Comments came from two camps - those who cannot easily let go of objects and those who hate clutter.

We who collect differentiate ourselves from actual hoarders.  Come on there’s no rotting food; hallways and walls are not stacked with decaying stuffed animals.  Our domiciles are clean.  We just physically have too many things that are stored and or displayed.

Everyone does this to a degree but for many it has become a life calling, consciously or unconsciously. We all collect - just differently. A vase, a shell whatever the object, my theory is that it acts a portal from which the person or story travels from the past to the present.  And we become the keepers of the memory flame for whatever reason.

Our odd group can be labeled as curators of memories.  Letting go of the thing is to let go of the person, the story and the past. This responsibility, this role takes up an enormous amount of emotional and corporal space.

My solution for my eccentric tribe is to accept the title of museum director.  Understand that museums have limited space so create an area large or small that can be designated for an exhibit. Create displays, digitize and rotate them. 

Whether it is a room, a cabinet or shelf start thinking in terms of time lines and themes - curate accordingly. The Family comes West, The Family escapes The War, curate with pictures and objects. As you put together the exhibit keep thinking museum, take pictures, record the history and create the catalog.

Now that you have pictures and words; perhaps you could consider sharing the collection (my euphuism for giving it away) with others. The catalog is in place; it follows a theme and or a time line, stories and explanations match each photographed item, you have a book or a it goes to the cloud. 

The portal remains open, the past stays alive, but physical and spiritual space have made room for YOU!

Happy Birthday Wilfrida

Happy Birthday Wilfrida!

I'm back following a move that involved downsizing.  The new place so far shows no signs of inflating to accept my abundance of possessions. Adding water to the walls in hopes of expanding my space is futile. You know those tiny compact sponges that inflate when doused with H20? A small piece of material transforms into a Godzilla sponge, the magic isn’t working for me. 

My hiatus has given me much to ponder. My pondering has included the mystery of packing and the loss of trees that have brought me a truckload of stuff.

I have been obsessed with collectors, collections and the accumulation of stuff, most of my life.  I have watched friends who as children liked frogs as they grew - so did their collections. The amphibians hop to each new location some staying in boxes and eventually moving to storage units. We all have a soft spot for objects and collections that accompany us throughout life. Some less, some more, which does not always make us candidates for the show Hoarders.

I admire those who do not collect or fall in love with possessions. Their abodes look like a tasteful Zen spa or robbery stripped them clean.

As much as I admire my unattached brethren, I am not only committed to my things, I am emotionally attached to their history.

Unpacking I look at the pitcher that was my great grandmother’s. When I set a table using Wilfrida’s china and crystal I remember my mother purchasing her china, one and two plates at a time. I am at her beautifully set table we are together, timelines merging.  I walk on rugs from family.

The bits and pieces that surround me are all stories of amazing people whose history and courage I see when I touch and look at the piece of their past that I own.

I think of all those through the ages who have lost physical items to war, to disaster, but did not loose their lives and started over. I have a choice to remember the person and keep the connection by re-telling their stories and sharing them. 

Today is Wilfrida’s birthday and as I continue to unpack her life and my life I know she would want me to travel with her love and less of her objects and those of other’s.  There are times when the past leaves no room for both the present and the future.

A Christmas letter from a fabulicious family…

Every holiday season we all look forward to that one letter from the mystical family called the Perfects.  A special letter that unites fractured families everywhere by providing merriment, laughter, mockery and sometimes derision. The quality of wonderment enters when you wonder, if anyone outside of their perfect family, loves them the way they love themselves. One remarkable and extraordinary year follows another.

 Hello all,

Another incredibly fabulous, successful year has passed.  As we celebrate each year we cannot help but wonder if the upcoming year could possibly surpass our last one. To our amazement it always does.

My wonderful Whitman has added to his credentials of being a premier heart and brain surgeon. He is now specializing in extreme cosmetic, gastro, eye, knee, hip and psyche procedures.   In addition to the 12 languages Whitman already speaks, he picked up several this summer. Along with our dog Rutherford, who is almost human, Whitman was awarded best in show among humans. I have to stop talking about Whitman he is so modest.

Sir Dog Rutherford we have discovered comes from a long line of British royal canines and can be addressed as Sir Rutherford Sheepherder Outstanding Hunt Dog The Twelfth.   Our royal dog, Sir Rutherford is being considered for a show on TV called “Dogs That Dare To Dream”.  Being a participant on the show would allow our incredible dog to attend vet school, his lifelong dream.

Our boys are just amazing; we are indeed blessed.  Heathcliff just graduated from Yale, Harvard and Stanford simultaneously.  He is the first to achieve such a distinction. Heathcliff has landed a job with the Illuminati in their strategic planning department, look out new world order.

Ismael’s passion is still the theater.  He has been an understudy for Ed Asner, Katie Holmes and Ricky Martin. A big break will come soon.  He is also writing a play about Sir Rutherford’s early life as a dog.

Everyone so loves my Holiday letters that I have a full time job writing for families all over the world.  Making each holiday missive distinctive is quite the challenge.  So I only write for families that share the same goals and achieve the same successes as my family.  

Wishing you a perfect holiday season and happy New Year,

Pamela, Rutherford, Whitman, Heathcliff and Ismael Perfecto